For those of us who are divorced, or thinking of divorce, or even know someone who is divorced (and that surely includes all of us), today’s gospel about divorce & remarriage is just a hard scripture passage. It would be much easier to go for the second half of the reading…the part about Jesus taking the little children up in his arms and blessing them. The second part is easier, but somehow I think I need to talk about the first.
It initially seems strange that Jesus, who is usually disagreeing with the legalistic attitudes of the Pharisees, this time seems to be “one upping” them when it comes to being legalistic about divorce. They ask “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?” Actually in those days, the legality of divorce was hardly the question. According to Moses’ Law (Deuteronomy 24:1) a bill of divorce could be drawn up by a man if his wife had committed some “indecency.” Divorce was a legally accepted practice in the First Century when Jesus lived.
So the Pharisees real question was probably really about what constituted an “indecency.” One school of thought says it’s a single offense of adultery. Another says any number of things could constitute “indecency” like talking with another man in public, not having children, speaking disrespectfully to in-laws, maybe even burning dinner!
The Pharisees were trying to get Jesus either to take sides or somehow contradict the Law. They wanted to trip him up, as they had tried many other times. And like those many other times, Jesus side-steps the trap. He takes the conversation to much higher ground. For one thing, Jesus creates more parity between men and women. In those days women couldn’t divorce men. Only men could write a certificate of dismissal. But Jesus says, “If she divorces her husband…” making it a possibility for the woman to have equal rights (and responsibilities) in the relationship.
I don’t think in this passage Jesus wants to talk so much about DIVORCE as God’s intentions for MARRIAGE and relationship. It’s not just for convenience, or for the end of having children, or for the prestige it might bring. Jesus goes back to Genesis and God’s original intention for the way creation should be…
“God made them male and female…for this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” Marriage is about relationship/companionship. Two individuals mystically become One.
Now the verse that follows this in Genesis Chapter 2 (which Jesus doesn’t quote here) is, “And the man and his wife were naked, and were not ashamed.” That comes at the very end of Genesis 2, so it serves as the transition from the first and second chapters of Genesis, which describe God’s intentions for Creation, to Genesis 3, “The Fall”… Adam, Eve, and the snake in the Garden. It’s a metaphorical story about how it is these creatures God made, these human beings, came not to be in harmony with God, themselves, each other and the rest of creation. One of the signs of this Fall is that the man and woman began to be ashamed of their nakedness, and needed fig leaves to cover themselves up. It seems to me in these verses from Genesis, Jesus holds up the ideal of deep relationship, of how we are meant to live in relationship: Relationships of intimacy of mind, body and spirit. Relationships where the two are mystically joined as One. Relationships where each partners’ love for the other makes their heart’s desire the well-being of their partner, the desire for the partner to be whole in mind, body and spirit.
Such intimacy is core to marriage as God intends it, and that means the partners feel safe enough in the relationship that they can dare to be all of who they are. They can trust each other enough to “bare” all that’s in their hearts and minds, and not be ashamed. That’s God’s ideal, the way God intended things to be from the beginning. That’s what Jesus is reminding the Pharisees and us of in today’s Gospel. God wants us to live in relationships of deep trust and love, relationships that hold the well-being of the partner’s mind, body, and spirit in highest regard. Such relationships are truly gifts from God.
As we begin our Stewardship Campaign this month, I encourage each of us to be good stewards of the precious relationships God gives us. Remember being a steward is not ownership, but being entrusted with the care of something/someone who ultimately belongs to God. So we’re called to care for our relationships at home, work, church, and in the world; to be open and honest with those dearest to us; to make their well-being a priority, as they make ours their priority. God knows that’s not always how our relationships are: We can go from Genesis 1 & 2—God’s Intentions—to Genesis 3—The Fall in the blink of an eye. We mess things up in a myriad of ways. Maybe we enter a relationship that’s abusive or oppressive to start with in an environment where trust is impossible and true love cannot exist. Or maybe the relationship starts out ok but somehow over time, things happen. We feel ashamed. We feel rejected. We feel resentment, and we start the deceptive process of “covering up” our real selves. We’re afraid to show our true feelings and afraid to make ourselves vulnerable again.
Sometimes there’s a way back. Sometimes it seems there’s not.
God knows that, in fact, that’s why Jesus came, because God knows we can’t always get it right. But God gets it right, and no matter how we mess up, God’s perfect love is always there, always trustworthy. As they say in the Black Church, “God is good…all the time!” God’s grace and mercy and forgiveness are always there when in our frailty, we cannot love our partner as One, when we cannot fulfill God’s intentions in our relationships. And when we can admit THAT, with all its pain and sense of failure, then we have the opportunity of going to Jesus as a little child, and being taken up into his arms, and being blessed. Amen.
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